Lizzie's Amazing Race
by Dan T
Summary: Lizzie, and some others that she knows, become contestants on The Amazing Race, competing in an around-the-world race with a million dollar prize. (Has L-G, K-E, M-Larry pairings.)
1. Leg 1, Part 1

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_, _The Amazing Race_, or any related characters or concepts.

* * *

_Aerial view of Hollywood, California, starting with the famous "Hollywood" sign and panning down to Hollywood Boulevard, ending at Mann's Chinese Theatre, where we see a bunch of people standing around in its courtyard._

**VOICE OF PHIL KEOGHAN**: Welcome to Hollywood, home to showbiz celebrities, and site of the famous Chinese Theatre where many of these stars have put their handprints in its courtyard. And it's also where these twelve teams of two people each are about to begin a race around the world. All but one team will be eliminated by the end of the race. The single team that makes it to the finish line first, after completing a long series of challenging tasks, will take home a million dollars for winning… **_The Amazing Race_**!

_Amazing Race theme song plays; we see names and pictures of each of the teams flash briefly on the screen:_

**LIZZIE and GORDO  
KATE and ETHAN  
MIRANDA and LARRY  
JACK and RONALD  
MICHAEL and RODNEY  
BECKY and JIM  
SUSAN and CONNIE  
KIM and KELLY  
KEITH and TAMMY  
AHMAD and AZHAR  
TYRONE and LATONYA  
MARISSA and SUZANNE**

**VOICEOVER**: _The Amazing Race_ is brought to you by **All the ISPs that are Not AOL**. Want a better Internet? Dump that cruddy proprietary online service and sign up with a **_real_** ISP now… because **AOL Sucks!!!**

_Commercial break_

**PHIL (voiceover)**: The teams are about to begin the race. You'll be learning more about them as the race proceeds. But one thing you should know up front: there's an unusual situation involving three of the teams; the six people on them attended school together from grade school to high school, and know one another well. Normally, we would disqualify teams that are so closely connected. However, once we discovered this connection – the teams didn't even know that one another had applied for this show until late in the interviewing process – we found these people and their complex connections to be so interesting that we rewrote our rulebook to let them in. Will they be friends or enemies as they compete in this race? Remember, only **one** team can win.

_We now see Phil down in front of the contestants, who are lined up in front of the theatre._

**PHIL (speaking to the contestants)**: In just a couple of minutes, the race will start. To make the start of the race more interesting, we have decided that instead of giving you the first clue right away, we'll make you search for it. Our crew is now handing out envelopes to each team; don't open them until I say it's time to go. In each envelope is the name of a celebrity. You must find the star with that celebrity's name in the Hollywood Walk of Fame; when you do, you will receive your clue. Each team has also been given two hundred dollars; that's your spending money for this leg of the race. Airfares are covered by us, but everything else you need to spend must come out of the money you have received. You will need to manage your money well to make sure you don't run out and find you can't afford the train, bus, or taxi you need to take. Now, on your mark, get set… **GO!**

**

* * *

Caption: LIZZIE and GORDO: Engaged College Students**

**LIZZIE**: _(rips open envelope)_ "Farrah Fawcett"… oh, yeah, wasn't that the girl who was on posters back when my parents were teenagers… I think I saw her poster in a box in the basement once; must have been my dad's.

**GORDO**: Personally, I think she was the most overrated one of _Charlie's Angels_… Kate Jackson was _much_ more talented.

**LIZZIE**: Ummm, Gordo, we're in a _race_… let's stop discussing the merits of TV stars and start looking for our clue!

**GORDO**: Fine… (_they both start running)_ …not that I'd actually _watch_ a show like _Charlie's Angels_… except to research its cinematography techniques, of course…

**Taped interview segment**

**LIZZIE: **I've known Gordo since I was one day old, and we were best friends all through childhood… we've been dating since high school, and now we're attending UCLA together… he's majoring in Film and Television, and I'm in Design. Just a few months ago, he finally proposed to me, and our wedding is coming up soon after the race ends!

**GORDO**: Actually, my name is David Gordon, but people call me Gordo… and, if you happen to be Spanish-speaking, yes, I know that it means "fat", and no, I'm _not_ fat, thank you… Don't talk about me being short, though… I'm still a little self-conscious about that.

**Back to race**

**

* * *

Caption: KATE and ETHAN: Fashion Models**

**ETHAN**: I've always admired Jaclyn Smith, myself… she just looks like the mysterious foreign type…

**KATE**: Hey! Pay attention to _our own_ clue first! _(grabs envelope away from Ethan, and opens it)_ "Britney Spears"… She was pretty cool back when we were in middle school, but she's kind of a has-been now… why does _she_ get a star when _I _don't? Oh, well… let's hurry up and find this! (_they run off)_

**Taped interview segment**

**KATE**: I was _amazed_ to find that **Lose**-ie and Gor-**Dork** were in this race. We're _totally_ gonna beat them. I doubt they'll survive the first round… Lizzie is such a klutz, she'll probably trip over the starting line.

**LIZZIE**: Let's just say… Kate and I have an… _interesting_ relationship. In grade school, we were friends; in middle school we were enemies; the summer before high school, she was kind of a friend again; and in high school she was hard to figure out… depended on what side of the bed she got up on, I guess. We haven't talked to one another since I started college and she became a model.

**KATE**: Who needs college when you've got a glamorous career already beginning? Oh, yeah, Lizzie actually was a model herself once, until she screwed it up, like she does _everything_ she gets into… including this race, I bet. And, Lizzie… I guess we'll have to be enemies again… because there's _no_ way I'm letting you have the million bucks. I'm grabbing it for myself!

**ETHAN**: Hey, since I'm on your team, doesn't that mean that I get half of the money? Like, that must be about a hundred thousand dollars.

**Back to race**

**

* * *

Caption: MIRANDA and LARRY: Dating College Students**

**MIRANDA: **Ours says "Ann Blyth". I don't know _who_ the heck **that** is.

**LARRY**: And I don't know _why_ anybody should care about those showbiz types, anyway. Why don't they give stars to really important people who invented and discovered things, like Albert Einstein? Or myself… (He said modestly)…OK, I guess James Earl Jones deserves a star, since he was really cool as the voice of Darth Vader… and Ben Affleck, who was _great_ in that _Vesuvius_ flick…

**MIRANDA**: …which I _still_ haven't seen, since when it came out my parents didn't let me see R-rated movies. I actually tried to sneak in with my friends, but that didn't work out.

**LARRY**: You should have told me… I've got the collectors-edition DVD set, with the director's cut and everything. We can watch it together.

**MIRANDA**: Not right now… try to remember we're in a race… let's go!

**Taped interview segment**

**LARRY**: nuqDaq yuch Dapol! That's Klingon for "Where do you keep the chocolate?" Sorry I couldn't remember the Klingon for "I hope we win the race!" or anything else more appropriate.

**MIRANDA**: Sometimes I wonder what I see in that guy… we've known one another since grade school, but I used to hate him… however, we're dating now! Not for much longer, if he keeps spouting Klingon…

**LARRY**: You'd maybe prefer Huttese? It'll come in handy if the race gets to Tatooine… want to hear my Jabba impression?

**Back to race**

**

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Caption: JACK and RONALD: Co-Workers**

**JACK**: C'mon, let's hurry up. Don't get all talkative like _that_ whole bunch.

**RONALD**: Our paper says "James Stewart". Oh, that's the guy from _It's a Wonderful Life._

**JACK**: It won't be so wonderful if we lose the race because we're standing around talking… Here, the stars are out that way.

**Taped interview segment**

**JACK**: The two of us work together at a meat packing plant in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

**LIZZIE: **My dad came from Kalamazoo… coolie!

**JACK**: No, I _don't_ know Lizzie's dad, or Lizzie, or any of her whole bunch. I think it's unfair that they put all those people who know one another into the race. They're probably all conspiring against the rest of us. We'd better get the remaining teams into an alliance to make sure they all go _down_!

**RONALD**: Now _you're_ not being fair. Shouldn't we concentrate on trying to run a good race ourselves rather than wanting bad things to happen to others? That's not being nice.

**JACK**: That Ronald… always being a "nice guy"… makes me sick. But we're still best buds anyway.

**Back to race**

_

* * *

Out in street_

**MIRANDA**: OK, there's a bunch of stars along this street here… but which way should we go? I wish I knew what order they were in…

**LARRY**: I know how to find out… look, there's an Internet café over there.

**MIRANDA**: There's _no time_ to log into your Star Flip chat room now.

**LARRY**: That's Star **_Fleet_**! How many times do I have to tell you? No, I want to get on the Web to look up where the star we're looking for is. (And then maybe check out the Star Fleet chat room for a minute…)

_(they go into café)_

**MIRANDA**: Internet access here is five bucks for 15 minutes… we've got to conserve our money.

**LARRY**: It's worth it if it can lead us straight to the star… Here, watch. Just type "Hollywood walk of fame" into Google, and right here… no, this page doesn't have _all_ of the stars listed, and that page is poorly organized, and this other one is just trying to sell lots of crap… I bet the HTML here doesn't validate… look at the ugly code you get when you View Source…

**MIRANDA**: Stop critiquing their Web design and get back to finding the info!

**LARRY**: But there aren't even any ALT attributes on their images… shame on them. But, OK, here we go. A complete alphabetical listing of the stars in the Walk of Fame, with the street addresses of their location. Who's the star we're looking for?

**MIRANDA** (looking at paper): Ann Blyth.

**LARRY**: According to this page, it's at 6733 Hollywood Blvd.

**MIRANDA**: OK… _vayamos!_

**LARRY**: Before we "vamoose", can I just go talk to the café manager and try to talk him into switching their browser to Mozilla Firefox? Internet Explorer is _so_ insecure… nobody should be using it. And Microsoft is as evil as the Death Star.

**MIRANDA**: NO!!!!! We're in a _race_, remember! Let's get our butts to 6733 Hollywood Blvd, and don't you be wastin' any more of our time on that geek stuff!

_

* * *

_

_Some street scenes of various teams wandering around looking at the names on stars_

**

* * *

Caption: MICHAEL and RODNEY: Gay Couple**

**RODNEY**: There it is! Arnold Schwarzenegger!

**MICHAEL**: We found the Governator! Now, why couldn't they have given us a _good_ celebrity, like Liza Minnelli?

**Taped interview segment**

**MICHAEL**: We consider ourselves married, even if the State of New York doesn't recognize it. We went up to New Paltz when the mayor there was marrying same-sex couples, before the judge overturned it.

**RODNEY**: But we don't want to be thought of as the "token gay couple" who's in this race for "PC" purposes. We're normal people, or we'd like to think so, and our relationship should be of no more special interest than any "straight" marriage.

**Back to race**

**RODNEY**: So, now what?

_Crew member comes out from the crowd and hands him a clue._

**RODNEY**: "Fly to Monterrey, Mexico."

**PHIL** (voiceover): The teams will now take one of three flights from Los Angeles to Monterrey, Mexico. There are enough seats available on each flight for four of the teams. What they may not realize, however, is that the first flight to leave is actually the last to arrive, because it has a layover stop, while the other two are nonstop flights.

* * *

**KATE**: Is there anywhere we can find a guide to where each star is, so we know which way to go to find ours? 

**STREET VENDOR**: Get your maps to the stars' homes here!

**KATE**: Hey, vendor guy… I'm not exactly looking for stars' _homes_… but do you have anything that will show us where stars' _stars_ are… you know… those stars down in the sidewalk here _(she points to one of them, which belongs to Martin Scorsese_)?

**VENDOR**: I've got just what you want… they're all listed in this guidebook here. Just ten bucks.

**KATE**: That sounds like a ripoff to me… I'm not paying that.

_Kate storms off down the block, and just happens to stumble onto Britney's star._

**KATE**: Hey! There it is! Britney Spears! C'mon, let's see my clue!

_Crew member hands her the clue, she reads it out loud to Ethan, and they both race to find a cab to get to the airport._

_

* * *

_  
**MIRANDA**: I think we're going the wrong way. We're looking for #6733, but the numbers here are in the 6800s and getting higher. Turn around!

* * *

**Caption: BECKY and JIM: Firefighter and Stay-At-Home Dad**

**BECKY**: Oh, here's our star: Jane Russell! Give us our clue!

**Taped interview segment**

**BECKY**: I know we're very nontraditional in our roles. I'm working as a firefighter, one of the "manliest" of jobs, while my husband stays at home and raises our 3-year-old son. But we're not doing it to make some kind of feminist point; we both truly love what we do.

**Back to race**

**

* * *

**

**JACK**: OK… we've been all the way down Hollywood Boulevard, in both directions, and still no sign of James Stewart. I _told_ you this thing was rigged against us. I saw a couple of other teams find _their_ clues, but they seem to have assigned us a star that doesn't exist!

**RONALD**: C'mon… it's gotta be _somewhere_. Keep looking!

**JACK**: But _where_?

_Commercial break_

_

* * *

Intermission: The McGuire House_

Lizzie, Gordo, Miranda, Larry, Sam, Jo, and Matt are all gathered around the TV watching the first episode of the race.

"OK, Lizzie… are you _sure_ you can't tell us who won?" asked Matt.

"I've said this a dozen times already; they have strict confidentiality rules. None of us can tell anybody what happened until it's broadcast," said Lizzie.

"Not even to your _family_?"

"Not even to annoying little brothers."

"Well, I'll find out… I've got my own sources. I'll know who won your race before everybody else."

"You just go and try," retorted Lizzie. "I think this one will prove a little out of your league."

"Hush… the commercial's ending and the show's coming back on!" said Jo.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Leg 1, Part 2

**Author's Notes**: Thanks for the reviews. There's not quite as much of the _Lizzie_ characters in this chapter because there are a few more teams needing to be introduced, but you'll be seeing a lot more of them in the future. And regarding Miranda and Larry being about to be eliminated (Mondler4EvEr), they're still early in the leg… if they make it to the plane on time they'll catch up. It ain't over till it's over!

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_, _The Amazing Race_, or any related characters or concepts.

* * *

_Show resumes after commercial break._

**Captions:  
SUSAN and CONNIE: Mother and Daughter  
KIM and KELLY: Twin Sisters  
MARISSA and SUZANNE: Cocktail Waitresses**

**MARISSA**: Us three all-girl teams decided to join together in an alliance at the start of the race. We bought the guidebook from the street vendor, and soon found all three of our stars – Anne Bancroft, Drew Barrymore, and… who was that other one? I think Tina Turner?

**KIM**: Lana Turner. The all-girl teams got all-girl stars… **GIRL POWER!!!!!!!!!**

**SUSAN**: You two other teams each owe us $3.33-and-a-third for your share of the book.

**KELLY**: And just how are we supposed to pay that one-third of a cent?

**KIM**: Maybe we can pay in Mexican pesos when we get to our next destination.

**SUZANNE**: How about we figure it all out when we pay for the cab. It'll be here soon, won't it?

**SUSAN**: Yes… they assured me they'd be here within ten minutes when I called for it. And they promised to send a van big enough for all of us to travel together.

**Taped Interview Segment:**

**SUSAN**: I hope that teaming up with my daughter will help teach her discipline and responsibility, as the race shows her that hard work, good planning, and education lead to achievement, while slacking off leads to failure. She hasn't had much interest in lessons like this in life so far; I wanted her to follow in my footsteps as a college professor, but she refused even to _attend_ college – even though she could have gone tuition-free as the child of a faculty member – and she insists on working a dead-end job as a store clerk. Maybe this race can pound some sense into her.

**CONNIE**: But I _like_ being a store clerk. Sure, it's not the most exciting of jobs, but when the shift ends at 9 PM I can go out and party… it's not like I have to bring my work home or anything. Mom is up all night sometimes working on her research papers and stuff. I couldn't stand school, and was happy to get far away from it as soon as I could.

**Back to race**

**

* * *

**

**Caption: TYRONE and LATONYA: Unemployed Couple**

**TYRONE**: Well, I can say one thing for bein' outa work an' on welfare an' stuff… it teaches us not to waste money, 'cause we ain't never got enough of it. Those white chicks went and spent ten bucks on a guide book from that ripoff sidewalk vendor guy, when **we** were smart enough to go get a **free** brochure from that tourist-bureau information booth over there, that's got the **same** info in it! So we found our star, Bill Cosby, and we're gonna be on our way just as soon as we can find a cab that'll take us. It'd be easier if we were white… those cabbies are racist.

**LATONYA**: Now, don't go pullin' the "racism" thing again… you're complainin' about the cabs before you even _try_ hailin' one! How can the cabbies be racist; an awful lot of 'em are African-American too, and the rest are from some country ending in "-stan" or something. They ain't even white.

**TYRONE**: The black cabbies are the most racist of them all; they forgot where they came from and now they only want to take rich, white passengers. They're afraid of people like me.

**LATONYA**: At least they _have_ jobs… maybe one of these days you'll get off your lazy butt and try to find one too? Anyway, we're in a race around the world… you're gonna have to learn to be tolerant of all the different cultures and races, or else we're gonna be a failure in the race, get eliminated, and it won't be the fault of any white guys… you'll just have yourself to blame.

* * *

**Caption: MIRANDA and LARRY: Dating College Students**

**MIRANDA**: OK, here it is! Hey, crew people, we found our star… time for us to get our clue now!

_Crew member hands her the clue._

**MIRANDA**: "Fly to Monterrey, Mexico"… Hey, neat! We're going to Mexico! My family is from there, and we go there all the time. Never been to Monterrey, actually, but at least the country is familiar.

**LARRY**: Do you actually speak Spanish?

**MIRANDA**: Well, um… not very much... _no hablo mucho español. _ Well, at least I know how to say _that_. Did I ever tell you about the time I went with Lizzie and Gordo on a Spanish game show, and we all ended up in a food fight with rice pudding? If I'd known some more Spanish, maybe we'd actually have won the game instead. After that I _really_ intended on learning more, but I just never got anywhere at it.

**LARRY**: I don't suppose my Klingon skills will help…

**MIRANDA**: Oh, there's a cab… Taxi!!!!! (I think _that's_ the same in Spanish, at least.)

* * *

**Caption: LIZZIE and GORDO: Engaged College Students**

**LIZZIE**: Oh, there it is… Farrah Fawcett! Finally!

**GORDO**: Maybe just wandering around aimlessly until we stumbled on our star wasn't the best move… a bunch of teams are ahead of us now.

**LIZZIE**: Well, I didn't hear _you_ coming up with a better idea… aren't you supposed to be the "smart one"?

**GORDO**: You're no dummy, either… I didn't pick you _just_ for good looks. I'd say you're _almost_ as intelligent as I am.

**LIZZIE**: And a lot more modest, too, I guess. _(receives clue)_ Mexico, huh? That brings back memories of that Spanish game show… I hope we do better this time!

**GORDO**: But that was some tasty rice pudding…

* * *

**Caption: AHMAD and AZHAR: Cousins**

**AHMAD**: We found our star, Patrick… what was that name?

**AZHAR**: Swayze.

**AHMAD**: I don't watch a lot of movies, so I'm not really familiar with all those celebrities. I'm not into that sort of thing. So, we're off to a slow start, but we're getting there. Is it time for the midday prayers yet?

**ASHAR**: We've got _hours_ to go. Don't worry, I won't let you miss it.

**Taped Interview Segment:**

**AHMAD**: Yes, we're Arab Americans. The names are pretty obvious, I think. And we're Muslims too. But we're _not_ terrorists, and is there any other ethnic or religious group in America today that finds it necessary to keep pointing this out?

**AZHAR**: We love America as much as any other Americans, though we don't always agree with the government… again, just like most other Americans. And we also love Allah. We see no conflict. We pray six times a day, at the proper times, even if we're in the middle of a race; if this makes us lose, then that was Allah's will.

**GORDO**: If I practiced _my_ religion that faithfully, I'd have to stop racing for a day on the Sabbath, starting at sundown on Friday… guess it's a good thing I don't.

* * *

**Caption: JACK and RONALD: Co-Workers**

**JACK**: So, any other ideas of where to find that BLEEPing star?

**RONALD**: I think some of them are on a side street from Hollywood Boulevard.

**JACK**: We gotta look on all those other streets too now? Which one?

**RONALD**: Well, people keep talking about "Hollywood and Vine", so maybe we should try Vine Street. That was a couple of blocks back this way.

**JACK**: You better not be sending us on a damn wild goose chase…

* * *

**Caption: KEITH and TAMMY: Married Couple**

**KEITH**: I'm glad the guy at the information booth knew where to find this, because we were totally lost.

**TAMMY**: And I'm glad you're one of the few men who's willing to ask for directions. Stuff like that is why I married you!

**KEITH**: I can't believe that there's a star for Mickey Mouse… that's not a real celebrity, that's a rodent.

**TAMMY**: But it's the one we needed to find, and we did.

**Taped Interview Segment:**

**TAMMY**: I'm not sure why they picked us for this race… I don't think we've got an "angle" that plays well on TV. We're not gay, we're not ethnic, we're not handicapped, we're not fighting like cats and dogs, we don't have anything to prove. We're not supermodels. We're just _normal_.

**KEITH**: Maybe "normal" is just what's needed to win this race. Let everybody else waste their time and energy fighting and ranting and making political and religious points, and showing off for the cameras, and whatever else it is they do, while we just calmly complete our tasks.

* * *

**JACK**: OK… _finally_ we find our star. It's unfair… ours is way out on a side street, while some of the other teams got stars right next to the starting line. I bet they've got it in for us because we don't look as good on TV as that Hillridge bunch. 

**PHIL** (voiceover): The stars for the opening task were chosen randomly, with no favoritism for or against any team.

* * *

**LAX Airport**

**PHIL** (voiceover): The first flight, on American Airlines, leaves at 11:13 AM. It has a stop in Dallas / Fort Worth, and arrives in Monterrey, Mexico at 7:24 PM. The second flight, on Aeromexico, leaves at 12:15 PM, but because it is a nonstop flight, it actually arrives earlier, at 5:15 PM. The third flight, on Aviacsa, leaves at 1:15 PM and arrives at 6:15. So, the first flight to leave is actually the last to arrive. Will the teams realize this before they book their flights?

**RODNEY** (at the Aeromexico terminal): We got here first, but we looked at the flight times, and saw it's best to take the second flight, so that's what we're doing.

**KATE** (at the American terminal): I don't know what happened to those gay guys; I thought they were ahead of us, but I don't see them. Anyway, we grabbed the first spot on the first flight… that should give us a head start over everybody else.

**SUSAN** (at the American terminal): Our three-team women's alliance just made it before the first flight left… fortunately, there were enough seats still available.

**CONNIE**: I wish we could have checked the other flights before getting on this one… sometimes the schedules are weird, and it's actually quicker to take the later flight.

**SUSAN**: There was no time for that!

_(First flight takes off)_

**JIM** (at the Aeromexico terminal): We missed the first flight, but it turns out that was a good thing; the second flight actually gets there quicker.

**MIRANDA** (at the Aeromexico terminal): We're in good shape now; we'll be in the first group of teams to arrive in Monterrey.

**LATONYA** (at the Aeromexico terminal, speaking to ticket agent): You've got seats left on the flight? Great! Book us! See, Tyrone… we made it fine. Stop worrying!

**JACK** (at the Aeromexico terminal, speaking to ticket agent): What do you _mean_ there are no seats left? This is urgent! I've got to get on that flight! _(keeps on screaming for a while)_

**RONALD**: Jack, screaming at the agent won't help. They _said_ in the clue that they had space for four teams on that flight, and four teams have gotten their seats already. We'll just have to go to the other flight. Let's hurry up, so we don't miss _that_ one, too!

_(Second flight takes off)_

**GORDO** (at the Aviacsa terminal): The third flight was the only one we could make, but it turns out it's actually faster than the first one, so we'll be right in the middle of the pack. We can catch up.

**TAMMY** (at the Aviacsa terminal): OK, book us on this flight! All right, we're not at the front line, but at least we didn't miss all the flights and get stuck… you've always got to look at the bright side of things.

**AZHAR** (heading into the jetway as the flight boards): We stopped our cab on the way to the airport to do our midday prayers, then we were delayed by a long, intrusive search by Homeland Security… that tends to happen to us a lot when we fly. But it's all good… we still made our flight anyway!

**JACK** (running up to the gate just as they're starting to close it): Hold it! You've got to let us on this flight!

_(commercial break)_

_

* * *

_

_Intermission: The McGuire House_

"Hey, they're showing my Cardio Punch commercial!", said Matt. "We're _both_ TV stars!"

"They're _still_ showing that silly thing? I thought it was off the air years ago, like that dopey kids' show you were on," said Lizzie.

"I'll tell your friends at the _Clover and Daisy_ fan club that you think kids' shows are dopey," said Matt.

"Just the ones you're on," said Lizzie.

"I would have thought the two of you would be mature enough by now to stop all that silly bickering," interjected Sam.

"And the show's starting again… quiet!", added Jo.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	3. Leg 1, Part 3

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_, _The Amazing Race_, or any related characters or concepts.

_Show resumes after commercial break._

**Caption: JACK and RONALD: Co-Workers**

**JACK**: Hey! Let me in!

_(Airport workers who were starting to close the gate move aside and let them in.)_

**RONALD**: Thank you very much.

_(Jack just scowls, not thanking anybody.)_

_

* * *

(Third flight takes off)_

**PHIL** (voiceover): As the other two flights head directly to Monterrey, the first flight stops in Dallas / Fort Worth.

**Caption: KATE and ETHAN: Fashion Models**

**KATE**: What do you _mean_ we're stopping in Dallas first? What kind of a fly-by-night airline _is_ this?

**ETHAN**: Dallas is on the way to Mexico… I think? Geography was never my best subject.

* * *

_(Second flight lands)_

**Caption: MIRANDA and LARRY: Dating College Students**

**MIRANDA**: OK, the clue says to go to the Museum of Mexican History. There's a line of cabs… let's get into one.

_(They get into a cab.)_

**MIRANDA**: All right… let's see if my Spanish is any good… _Vamos al museo de… _umm… _historia mexicana?_

**CABBIE**: _Sí, señorita…_You're going to the Museum of Mexican History.

**MIRANDA**: Oh, you speak English. Well, let's go!

* * *

**Caption: TYRONE and LATONYA: Unemployed Couple**

**TYRONE**: Now that we're here in a third-world country, we're gonna do good… We'll have common cause with all the persons of color who have been oppressed by their colonialist masters.

_(to cabbie)__Buenos_ afternoon, _señor_ cabbie. We _quiero_ to go to _el_ museum _de_ Mexican History, _si'l vous plait_.

**CABBIE**: _Sí señor_. (muttering¡_El gringo está loco!)_

**LATONYA**: Try to ignore him… _I_ do.

* * *

**Caption: MICHAEL and RODNEY: Gay Couple**

**RODNEY**: Now to the museum… great! I love museums!

* * *

**Caption: BECKY and JIM: Firefighter and Stay-At-Home Dad**

**BECKY**: Hurry up… we've got a museum to get to!

**JIM**: You just have to imagine the place is on fire, and you can get there real quick… I'm not as used to rushing.

_

* * *

(At the museum)_

**LARRY**: It says on the door, "Hours 10 AM – 7 PM." It's just after six, so we made it! I don't think anybody on the later flights will make it before this place closes, so we'll get a great lead!

**MIRANDA**: That's great! Now, let's hurry up and find our clue. We've got to go into the museum first… how much does it cost to get in? That sign says 12.00, but I think that's in Mexican pesos… they use the dollar sign for pesos here. A peso is worth about 10 cents, so that's really about 1.20. It's a bargain!

_(inside the museum)_

**LARRY**: Here's the clue… it says that this is a roadblock.

**PHIL** (voiceover): A **roadblock** is a task that only one team member can do. They have to choose which member will do it before they learn the details of what he or she must do.

**LARRY**: Which one of us can be constructive? That's what it says… I have no idea what it means.

**MIRANDA**: I'll take this one… whatever it is, I'd like to try it. If it's about Mexican culture, I should have the advantage!

_(she goes over to the area of the museum where the clue says to go; they hand her a clue with details of what needs to be done)_

**MIRANDA**: I have to use all the bricks in this stack to build a pyramid. It has to satisfy the museum curator that it's in the authentic Aztec style, similar to that large diorama there; and it needs to be tall and sturdy enough so I can climb it to reach the clue dangling from the ceiling above. Ohhhhhkay… looks like that Spanish game show I was on, all over again… but at least this time I know what I'm doing!

**

* * *

LATONYA**: _I'll_ take this one. I'm a _lot_ more constructive than you, Tyrone!

**

* * *

MICHAEL**: I guess I can be the constructive one this time… you can take the next roadblock.

**

* * *

BECKY**: Well, I'm usually putting out fires, but I suppose I can construct whatever it is they want me to construct…

_

* * *

(Scenes of the four people frantically piling up bricks)_

_(Meanwhile, the second plane has arrived.)_

**JACK**: "Museum of Mexican History"… like this hellhole of a country has any history that anybody would care about. Hey, Taxi! _(They get into cab.)_ Driver, take us to the Museum of Mexican History, and make it fast!

**CABBIE**: _No hablo ingles…_

**JACK**: Aw, great, we get one of those barbarian cabbies that can't speak a civilized language. Hey, el getto us to el museumo, pronto!

**RONALD**: I'll handle this… _Vamos al museo de historia mexicana, por favor._

**JACK**: What, _you_ speak Barbarian?

**RONALD**: I paid _attention_ in high school Spanish class, instead of sleeping in class like you.

**JACK**: Yeah, great… you could get some great jobs as a housemaid with skills like that.

_

* * *

(Back at the museum…)_

**MICHAEL**: Hey, curator… is this Aztec enough for ya?

**CURATOR**: _¡Sí!_

_(Michael carefully climbs the pyramid and grabs the clue.)_

**MICHAEL**: Great! We're heading for the pit stop now!

**PHIL** (voiceover): The teams will proceed to the first pit stop in the race, which is at the Gran Plaza Park in the center of Monterrey.

**

* * *

BECKY**: I keep getting it almost built, and then it collapses on me! Maybe I'm just not cut out for building stuff. Set this pile of bricks on fire, and I'll do great with it.

**

* * *

MIRANDA**: Almost finished… pretty classy style, if I can say so myself. Maybe I've found another thing I'm good at… though I don't think Aztec pyramid building is a skill highly in demand.

**

* * *

LATONYA**: There we go… one pyramid, nice and finished. If the Egyptians had had _me_ as one of their slaves, they'd've had their stuff done _years_ earlier! Not that I wanna be a slave or anything… I'm just sayin'…

_(As they leave the museum, they run into the next group of teams just arriving.)_

**LIZZIE**: Oh, _darn_… the museum just closed! Now we'll have to wait until tomorrow morning to continue, and those other teams will get way ahead of us!

**MIRANDA** (running by)You'll _love_ this task… it'll remind you of that TV game show. But sorry, Gordo… no rice pudding!

**LARRY**: I checked the map… the park we're going to is right across the street, so we don't need a cab… just run for it!

_(in the park)_

**MIRANDA**: The gay couple left the museum ahead of us, but they seem to be wandering aimlessly in the north end of the park… let's try heading south. Maybe that's where the pit stop is. It's a big, long park, and it stretches a few city blocks.

_(They reach the pit stop a few minutes later. A Mexican man wearing a sombrero is standing there alongside Phil.)_

**MEXICAN**: _¡Bienvenidos a México!_

**PHIL**: Miranda and Larry, you're the first team to arrive. And I'm happy to inform you that you have won a Caribbean vacation to be enjoyed after the end of the race, courtesy of American Airlines' website, AA dot com.

**LARRY**: Now, how can it be courtesy of a _website_? Websites don't fly planes. Wouldn't it make more sense to say it's courtesy of American Airlines, because they _own_ both the website and the planes, after all?

**MIRANDA**: Cut it out... stop arguing with the guy when he tells us we _won_ this leg of the race!

_(Michael and Rodney arrive soon after, followed closely by Tyrone and LaTonya.)_

**PHIL**: Michael and Rodney, you're the second team to arrive.

Tyrone and LaTonya, you're the third team to arrive.

_(Back in the museum)_

**BECKY**: _Finally_ I got a pyramid to stay up, so we can get out of here. The museum closed an hour ago, but fortunately they let us stay to finish.

_

* * *

(Outside, a little later)_

**PHIL**: Becky and Jim, you're the fourth team to arrive.

**JIM**: We're still doing well; there are two whole groups of teams that'll have to wait until tomorrow morning to do the museum stuff. We'll get a huge head start on the next leg!

_

* * *

(Outside the museum)_

**JACK**: Once again, everything is rigged against us; the first group of teams is finished with this place, while we have to wait until tomorrow to even start.

**RONALD**: You should be glad that I restrained you from trying to bust in the door, after you saw the place was closed; somehow, I think getting hauled off to a Mexican jail would delay our race even more.

**

* * *

GORDO**: Maybe we should look for a hotel to stay, so we're rested when we come back here to complete the stunt.

**LIZZIE**: Can we afford it? They only gave us 200 to start, and we've spent some of it on taxis already.

**GORDO**: I think hotels are fairly cheap in Mexico… let's look.

**

* * *

JACK**: Well, _I_ ain't wasting any money on a fleabag hotel… We'll just stay here in the museum courtyard, which is probably no more uncomfortable than what passes for "accommodations" around here.

**

* * *

KEITH**: _We'll_ find a hotel… wouldn't want to look like vagrants or something.

**

* * *

AHMAD**: It's time for the evening prayer… praise Allah! _(lies down facing towards Mecca)_

**

* * *

GORDO**: Look at the sign on this hotel… they've got a special grand opening rate of 440 pesos. That's about 45 dollars. We can afford that.

* * *

_(The other flight finally gets there, and the last teams discover that the museum is closed.)_

**KATE**: Now we're stuck here all night... and we can't get ahead of all of those teams.

* * *

**SUSAN**: Looks like some other teams got ahead of us... Don't worry... I know how this stuff works... they'll have some other event later that bunches us all up together again. 

_

* * *

(The next morning, they're all in front of the museum. Jack and Ronald, Ahmad and Azhar, and the three all-women teams stayed in the courtyard the whole night, while Lizzie and Gordo, Keith and Tammy, and Kate and Ethan went to hotels and returned to the museum in time for the opening. At 10 AM sharp, the gate is opened.)_

**GORDO** (after reading clue): Well, I think _I'm_ pretty constructive.

**LIZZIE**: And what am I, destructive? All right, I'll let you have this one, but I'm taking the next roadblock.

**

* * *

TAMMY**: I think we're both pretty constructive… do you want to take this one, or should I?

**KEITH**: I'm OK either way.

**TAMMY**: All right… I'll take it. I feel like some adventure.

**

* * *

RONALD**: I'd better get this one, Jack… you're destructive all the way!

**JACK**: Hold on… I'm not letting you steal my glory… I'm perfectly capable of doing this. Let me at it! (Oh, my aching back… museum courtyards are _rough_ places to sleep!)

_(approaching entrance)_ 12 pesos? What's that in _real_ money?

**

* * *

AKHAR**: I guess I can do this one… we'll take turns.

_

* * *

(inside the museum)_

**GORDO**: Gee… it really _is_ like that game show I was on, except for there being nothing to eat. But this time the instructions are in English… much better. Hey… there are some very interesting historical exhibits over there… isn't that a Spanish galleon? _(starts wandering)_

**LIZZIE**: Hey… we're in a race! There'll be plenty of time to go touring museums _after_ we win the million bucks.

**

* * *

AZHAR**: I feel a little _blasphemous_ building this pyramid… the Aztecs built them to sacrifice to false gods.

**AHMAD**: I'm sure Allah knows that you're not doing it to follow their religion… it's just a historical exhibit.

**

* * *

TAMMY**: These bricks are _heavy_… but the pyramid is starting to take shape.

**

* * *

GORDO**: Hey… this is fun. I always _did_ like playing with blocks when I was little, and I built some pretty neat stuff.

**

* * *

JACK**: What do you _mean_ this ain't Aztec enough?

**CURATOR**: _Señor_, it's supposed to be a pyramid, with steps on the sides… instead, you built… kind of a lopsided rectangle or something. Try to make it look like that exhibit over there.

_(commercial break)_

_

* * *

Intermission: The McGuire House_

An ad for an upcoming show was on the TV. "God sends Joan to run in a race. Will she come out ahead, or is winning not really the object? Find out Friday, on an all-new _Joan of Arcadia_!"

"I don't think Lizzie had any divine guidance on _her_ race," said Matt.

"That _Joan_ show is _still_ on the air?", said Gordo. "It was pretty good when it started, but it went downhill very fast… by the second season they were even putting in guest appearances by bubbleheaded-blonde-bimbo teen stars."

"Hey, I _like_ bubbleheaded blonde bimbos… they can be a lot more _fun_ than stuffy, boring intellectuals!", said Lizzie.

"Are you calling _me_ a stuffy, boring intellectual?", asked Gordo.

"Are _you_ calling me a bubbleheaded blonde bimbo?", asked Lizzie.

"Are you guys gonna have your first big fight _before_ you're even married?", said Matt.

"What makes you think it'd be our _first_ big fight?", said Lizzie and Gordo together.

"If you insist on fighting, just do it during the commercials… the show's starting again!", said Jo.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	4. Leg 1, Part 4

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_, _The Amazing Race_, or any related characters or concepts.

* * *

_Show resumes after commercial break._

**Caption: KIM and KELLY: Twin Sisters**

**SUSAN and CONNIE: Mother and Daughter**

**MARISSA and SUZANNE: Cocktail Waitresses**

**SUSAN**: Here's how to do it… just put the bricks like this, on the flat side, right next to one another in a big square… then when you're done, start making another square on top of it a little smaller, like this… after a few layers, make the next one a lot smaller to give it a "step" on the side… just keep going until you get to the top of the pyramid.

_(interview segment)_

**SUSAN**: We're continuing with the "women's alliance"; all three of us built our pyramids side by side, and I helped out with pointers.

**MARISSA**: Hey, I could've built it even without her instructions… I'm not dumb. Just what do college professors know about building pyramids, anyway? I keep my trays of cocktail glasses perfectly balanced, even when I'm dodging dirty old men trying to grope me… getting bricks to stay in place is child's play in comparison.

**KIM**: Whatever… I'm Kim, by the way… you might mistake me for my sister Kelly if I don't identify myself, because we're identical twins and all… if we could think of some gimmick where we could get ahead in the race by pretending to be one another, we'd do it… every TV show or movie with identical twins has to do _that_ plot twist, like on _Sister Sister_ or _The Parent Trap_. But the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet.

* * *

**Caption: LIZZIE and GORDO: Engaged College Students**

**GORDO**: _(standing on top of finished pyramid, grabbing clue) _There you have it… pretty nice work if I say so myself.

_(interview segment)_

**GORDO**: Did you know that the ancient Aztecs practiced human sacrifices on the tops of their pyramids? They laid captives there and cut open their chests, ripping out their hearts.

**LIZZIE**: That's _gross_, Gordo! Can't you study some of the more _pleasant_ things about the culture of the countries we visit?

* * *

**Caption: KEITH and TAMMY: Married Couple**

**TAMMY**: I didn't know King Tut was Mexican…

* * *

**Caption: AHMAD and AZHAR: Cousins**

**AZHAR**: Just one more brick to go… here we are!

* * *

**Caption: KATE and ETHAN: Fashion Models**

**KATE**: Darn… I just broke a nail!

* * *

**Caption: JACK and RONALD: Co-Workers**

**JACK**: All right, already… _this_ time it kind of slopes over on this side… is _that_ a pyramid yet?

* * *

_(At the park)_

**LIZZIE**: OK, Gordo… which way do you think the pit stop is?

**GORDO**: Most of the park seems to be to the left… let's try that way.

**AHMAD**: Let's follow Lizzie and Gordo… they look like smart people!

**PHIL**: Lizzie and Gordo, you are the fifth team to arrive.

Ahmad and Azhar, you are the sixth team to arrive.

**AZHAR**: Right in the middle of the pack… that's a decent showing.

**SUSAN**: I think I saw some other teams go left here… let's try that too.

**KIM**: There's the pit stop over there… we're still in an alliance, so let's arrive all at once… I don't think we're last, but we shouldn't let one of our teams get ahead of another yet.

**PHIL**: Susan and Connie, Kim and Kelly, and Marissa and Suzanne, you are tied as the seventh through ninth teams to arrive.

**TAMMY**: Let's go! We're still in the race! Which way do you want to look?

**KEITH**: It's anyone's guess… let's try going right first.

**KATE**: I broke _three_ nails building that thing… I don't know _how_ the Aztecs managed to maintain good hygiene.

**ETHAN**: I thought it was the Egyptians who built pyramids.

**KATE**: Follow that other team! I hope they know what they're doing.

**KEITH**: It's not here… let's go that way now!

**KATE**: Look, the other team is turning around… quick, let's go back this way too, ahead of them!

**JACK**: Hurry the (bleep) up… we gotta catch those other guys!

_(Interview segment)_

**JACK**: That (bleep)ing Latino museum person _finally_ accepted my pyramid… then I fell flat on my face climbing it to get the clue… lousy Mexican bricks. If they were made in the good ol' U.S.A., they wouldn't collapse like that.

**PHIL**: Kate and Ethan, you're the tenth team to arrive.

Keith and Tammy, you're the eleventh team to arrive.

_(The final team rushes in, just a little too late.)_

**PHIL**: Jack and Ronald, you're the last team to arrive, and I'm sorry to say you both have been eliminated from the race.

**JACK**: (Bleep) it… I _knew_ this thing was rigged against us!

**RONALD**: No, it's our own darn fault… we lost it all by ourselves.

**VOICEOVER**: Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.

* * *

_(Commercial break)_

On the next _Amazing Race_… Can the first four teams keep the lead they got from getting to the museum first? Will the girls' alliance hold? Teams live _la vida loca…_

_(scenes in a nightclub, where a wild party seems to be going on)_

…and clown around…

_(scenes of some team members in clown suits)_

…and something makes Kate really angry.

**KATE**: Now, that's just not _fair_! _(pouts)_

Who will make it to the next leg of the race? Find out in our next episode.

_(closing credits)_

**VOICEOVER**: Jack and Ronald talk about their experience on _The Amazing Race_ tomorrow on _The Early Show_. Now stay tuned for an all-new _Judging Amy_ on CBS next.

* * *

_Intermission: The McGuire House_

"I bet that sore loser will still be ranting about how the whole race is rigged," said Gordo. "I don't think I _want_ to hear him. It was bad enough putting up with him in the pit stop for a few hours until the producers finally sent his team home. But I guess I feel sorry for his 'friend' who teamed with him… I can't imagine how and why they manage to _stay_ friends."

"The thing about being friends," said Lizzie, "is that you stick together and support one another… even when the other one is being a little obnoxious."

"I hope _I'm _never like _that_ guy… am I?", said Gordo.

"Well, not like _that_… but you can be a little hard to deal with sometimes," said Lizzie.

"Oh, yeah, like _you're_ always _easy_ to deal with?", said Gordo.

"Let's finish this conversation in the car… it's a pretty long drive back to campus, and we've both got classes tomorrow," said Lizzie.

"Yeah… we've got classes too, and _our_ campus is even further… we'd better be going," said Miranda.

"Hey, all of you… now that you've been aired on TV, you're all gonna be celebrities," said Matt. "Would you like to hire my services as manager, to deal with all the fans? I've done that for Lizzie before."

"You mean when you _sold_ Mr. Snuggles to a reporter?", asked Lizzie.

"I got him back, didn't I?", said Matt.

"I think we can deal with our fans ourselves," said Miranda.

"It was nice having all of you over; see you next week!", said Jo.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	5. Leg 2, Part 1

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_, _The Amazing Race_, or any related characters or concepts.

* * *

**VOICEOVER**: In the last episode of _The Amazing Race_, teams started out in Tinseltown _(series of shots of the Hollywood sign, the Chinese Theatre, and some of the stars in the Walk of Fame) _and had to follow the stars (_shots of team members wandering around the Walk of Fame looking at the stars_). Then they went to Monterrey, Mexico, and needed to do some pyramid-building. (_Pictures of contestants building pyramids)_ Some were naughty and some were nice _(a few clips show Jack being rude to people, Tyrone ranting, and Kate being pouty, as well as some clips of others being more polite and friendly)_ and in the end, Jack and Ronald got to the pit stop last, and were eliminated. Now, the eleven remaining teams must race to the next pit stop, where one more team may be eliminated, as they enter the second leg of their race around the world for a million dollars, on… _The Amazing Race_!

* * *

_Opening titles, and a commercial break_

_

* * *

_

**Caption: MIRANDA and LARRY: 1st to Depart, 7:08 AM**

**PHIL**: Teams spent twelve hours in the pit stop, where they could sleep, eat, and mingle with one another before resuming the race. Since Miranda and Larry were the first to arrive, at 7:08 PM, they are the first to leave now, at 7:08 AM.

**MIRANDA**: OK, here's our clue. It says to go to Café Iguana.

**LARRY**: Oh, a restaurant for lizards?

**MIRANDA**: Probably just a cute name… gee, I _hope_ they don't make us eat an iguana there! Anyway, they also gave us money for this leg… 220 dollars. That's U.S. dollars, not Mexican pesos.

* * *

**Captions: MICHAEL and RODNEY: 2nd to Depart, 7:10 AM**

**TYRONE and LATONYA: 3rd to Depart, 7:10 AM**

**MICHAEL**: Café Iguana… that's like the lizard in the car-insurance commercials?

**RODNEY**: No, I think that's a gecko.

**TYRONE**: I thought it's ducks that advertise insurance, ain't it?

**LATONYA**: You're thinking of a different commercial, for different insurance, dummy.

* * *

**Caption: MIRANDA and LARRY: Currently in First Place**

_(Their cab pulls up to Café Iguana.)_

**LARRY:** Look at the sign… it says "Hours: 8 PM – 2 AM."

**MIRANDA:** It looks like a nightclub.

**LARRY:** So it's "hurry up and wait"… the other group of teams will almost catch up. That sucks even more than _Star Wars Episode III_. So, what do we do until then?

**MIRANDA: **Be tourists, I guess… I'd like to explore Monterrey some more.

_(The next two teams, who shared a cab, arrive.)_

**MIRANDA: **We're all going to have to wait a while… look at the hours of this place.

**MICHAEL: **Well, the _good_ night life, in any decent town, never really gets going until after midnight… it's nice that we can get started as early as 8:00. So, we'll get a chance for some tourism before that. We'll still be a couple of hours ahead of the other group… they didn't even make it to the pit stop before we left!

**RODNEY: **Let's all go see the sights of Mexico together… we don't have to be competitors again until the next game starts.

**TYRONE:** I dunno if that's a good idea… fraternizin' with the enemy an' all…

**LATONYA:** _Sure_ it is… none of us have any way to get ahead of anybody else 'til tonight, so why not enjoy ourselves 'til then?

**MIRANDA:** ¡_Si… vamos_!

* * *

**Caption: BECKY and JIM: 3rd to Depart, 8:10 AM**

**BECKY:** Café Iguana… what a peculiar name.

_arrives at café_

**JIM:** We've got to wait until 8 PM to do the next thing… I don't see any of the other teams here, so I guess they went off to do the tourist thing. We should too.

* * *

_Scenes of the team members looking at various tourist sites._

_They all return to the nightclub just before 8:00, and the door opens at eight sharp._

_

* * *

_

**MIRANDA**_(receiving clue)_ OK, it says it's a roadblock.

**PHIL** (voiceover) A **roadblock** is a task that only one team member can do. They have to choose which one will do the task before they find out exactly what he or she has to do. Each team member can only do six roadblocks, so they have to divide them between themselves over the course of the race.

**MIRANDA:** It asks for a team member who's "willing to serve."

**LARRY:** I don't see any tennis courts here, so they're probably talking about being a waiter or waitress… do you want to do this one?

**MIRANDA:** OK, I will, but that's two in a row for me… you'll have to do the next one. _gets further instructions_ You're right, it's about waitressing… but there's some bartending in there too. I've got to make margaritas and serve them to the people in the nightclub, until I serve one to somebody who's got our next clue. They won't show the clue until I give them a margarita, so I have no way of knowing who I need to serve… I've got to just keep serving people until I get to the right one.

_Inside nightclub; Miranda is behind the bar_

**MIRANDA:** So, how do I do this?

**BARTENDER:**_Señorita_, you put ice in this shaker, then add tequila… then lime juice… shake hard… put salt around the outside of the glass, add ice and a lime wedge, and pour the drink! _¿Es muy facil, no?_

**MIRANDA:** OK, I think I got it… here, let me try…

_She mixes up and pours several margaritas, then puts them on a tray and heads into the crowd. The place looks like a really rowdy party is going on; people are dancing everywhere, but there are others along the bar and sitting at tables who look like they're the ones she's supposed to be serving._

**MIRANDA: **Whew… almost ran into that guy and dropped my tray. All right, I'll try serving these people. Here… got a clue?

**CUSTOMER:**_Gracias_, but sorry, no clue here.

_She hands the rest of her drinks to others, but doesn't get a clue._

_

* * *

_

**Caption: MICHAEL and RODNEY: Currently in Second Place**

**MICHAEL:** OK, I did the last roadblock, so it's your turn, Rodney.

_Interview Segment_

**RODNEY:** At nightclubs, I'm usually one of the people dancing, drinking, and being wild, not the one trying to serve drinks in that atmosphere… it's an interesting change. But at home, I can mix up a mean margarita to make Jimmy Buffett proud, so I should do all right with this.

* * *

**Caption: TYRONE and LATONYA: Currently in Third Place**

**LATONYA:** I guess it's your turn now… are you sure you can handle it?

**TYRONE:** Are ya kiddn' girl? I can handle _anything_!

**LATONYA:** Apparently not including keeping a _job_…

_Interview Segment_

**TYRONE:** It's not fair to keep raggin' me about how I lose jobs… it ain't _my_ fault that The Man conspires to keep free-thinkin' people like me down…

* * *

**Caption: BECKY and JIM: Currently in Fourth Place**

**JIM:** It seems to be my turn to do this one… mixing drinks? I can do that…

_various shots of the four players making and serving margaritas_

**MIRANDA **_(putting a drink onto the bar in front of a customer)_ I hope _you're_ not "clueless" too…

**CUSTOMER**_(handing her a clue)_ _¡Aquí!_ Here's your clue… _¡Buena Suerte… _good luck

**MIRANDA:** The clue tells us to go to _El Plaza de Toros Monumental_… that's the bullfighting arena.

**LARRY:** Oh, I _hope_ they don't make us fight any bulls.

* * *

_after a taxi ride to the arena_

**MIRANDA:** It says there that the hours are 8 AM to 8 PM. It figures that, after a place that's only open at night, there's one that's only open in the day… more "hurry up and wait".

**LARRY:** They do it on purpose, you know, so that we all get bunched up again even after being split up. That keeps the race closer and more exciting.

**MIRANDA:** It's not really _fair_, though, is it?

**LARRY:** Since when is reality TV about fairness? It's all about ratings!

* * *

_Back at the nightclub, the other teams keep on serving drinks._

**TYRONE**_(receiving clue)_Garcia's!

**CUSTOMER:** Surely what you really meant was "_Gracias"_, _señor_.

**TYRONE:** Yeah, yeah, whatever…

* * *

_At the arena_

**LATONYA:** So we gotta wait some more. Figures… now we're all gonna be bunched together again.

* * *

_Back at the nightclub_

**RODNEY**_(finishing making another batch of drinks)_Hey, that's my best batch yet… too bad I've got to serve 'em instead of drinking 'em.

_Hands drink to somebody at a table_

**CUSTOMER:** Here's your clue, sir…

**RODNEY:** Much appreciated.

**JIM:** Here you are _(giving margarita to woman at bar)_… do you have a clue, by any chance? Yes? Great!

* * *

_At arena_

**MICHAEL:** So, I guess we're all here for the night; the rest of the teams should be joining us within a few hours.

* * *

**Caption: LIZZIE and GORDO: 5th to Depart: 11:03 PM**

**LIZZIE: **Here we are, finally getting out… we're, like, a whole day behind the leaders, and if the next place is closed at night, we'll _never_ catch up with them.

**GORDO:** It says we're going to Café Iguana… that could be a bar or something… it's probably open late.

**LIZZIE:** An iguana is a type of lizard, isn't it? I haven't cared for lizards, ever since my creepy little brother named one after me.

**GORDO:** Hey, maybe we'll have to _eat_ one, like on _Fear Factor_…

**LIZZIE:** That's _gross…_

**GORDO:** And I'm not sure if it's kosher… I might need to consult a rabbi!

**Caption: AHMAD and AZKHAR: 6th to Depart: 11:04 PM**

**AZKHAR:** I don't know what the Muslim dietary laws say about eating lizards, either. But we don't _know_ that's what we're doing… let's get over there and find out!

_There are three cabs waiting. Lizzie, Gordo, Ahmad, and Azkhar share one._

**Caption: SUSAN and CONNIE, KIM and KELLY, MARISSA and SUZANNE: 7th – 9th to Depart: 11:06 PM**

**SUSAN:** All right; let's get a cab.

**MARISSA:** Hey, just because you're a big intellectual professor and all, do you always have to be the one who speaks for all of us?

**SUSAN:** OK… what do _you_ have to say?

**MARISSA:** Umm… let's get a cab?

_Susan, Connie, Kim, and Kelly get into one of the remaining cabs, and Marissa and Suzanne into the other one. Before they can leave, the remaining teams are ready to go too._

**Caption: KATE and ETHAN: 10th to Depart: 11:08 PM**

**KATE:** Well _I'd_ never name a place after some dumb lizard.

**ETHAN:** Hey, lizards make me think of Lizzie! Cool!

**KATE:** Don't even _mention_ that loser in front of me…

**Caption: KEITH and TAMMY: 11th to Depart: 11:09 PM**

**TAMMY:** All right, we're last, but we're not too far behind. Look… there are a couple of cabs, but they seem to be already leaving. Hey… is there room for us in there?

**MARISSA:** Well, you're not in our alliance, but you're not part of that group of teams that all know each other… I think we can trust you. Get in!

**KATE:** Hey, our team was here first… Now, that's just not _fair_! _(pouts)_

_(The cabs leave, leaving Kate and Ethan behind with no cabs to take.)_

_

* * *

_

_At the nightclub_

**LIZZIE:** That's good… this place is open, and it's only been open a few hours… that means we're not _that_ far behind the other teams. Let's see what we need to do.

_Receives clue_

**LIZZIE:** "Willing to serve"? Well, that doesn't sound like it involves eating any lizards. I'll do it.

**CONNIE:** I'm going to take this one… my mom can't monopolize _everything_. I'm a store clerk; I'm better at serving.

**KELLY:** My turn to take this… I'm Kelly, by the way, in case you can't tell us apart.

**SUZANNE:** And it's _my_ turn too. I'm a cocktail waitress… serving is what I _do_!

**MARISSA:** Well, so am _I_, in case you forgot…

**SUZANNE:** But, since you did the last roadblock, it's still my turn.

* * *

_(Back at the pit stop)_

**KATE:** Come _on_… somebody call us another cab!

_Commercial Break_

_

* * *

_

_Intermission: The McGuire House_

"Fame is rough," said Miranda. "Lizzie has had some past experience with it, but I haven't. All last week, people were looking at me funny because I was on TV."

"You _sure_ you don't need my services as manager?", asked Matt.

"I think we can manage ourselves," said Lizzie. "But, anyway, have you managed to discover all the secrets of the race like you said you would?"

"I'm still working on it," said Matt. "I don't know who won… yet… but I did find some people in an Internet chat room who reported that there seemed to be some Amazing Race-related activity a while back in the country of Djibouti. So, is _that_ one of the places you went through?"

"I can't confirm or deny anything," said Lizzie. "Remember, there's a strict confidentiality agreement."

"Shake, shake, shake… shake shake shake… shake Djibouti…" sang Matt.

"All right, you guys," said Sam. "The show's about to start again… Jo said she's tired of getting you people to shut up, so she's asked _me_ to do it this week."

**TO BE CONTINUED**


End file.
